smash is dandy!

original title/link: "put the drill to my head and...hmm" . . . originally published: 15/01/2008


It’s 4:32am and I cannot sleep, due to the fact I have slept so much in the past fortnight that I think I have banked enough sleep to keep the most lazy, lethargic narcoleptic awake for at least a week.

Sadly there are few options available for entertainment at this time, but I narrowed it down to:

1) Get up and watch new gas mashin DVD a very good mate sent me,
2) Lie there and pretend that I’ll get to sleep in a minute, all the time knowing I won’t,
3) Have a wank, or
4) Write a d*land entry.

How lucky for you guys that I chose number 4, eh?

As Dandy pointed out in my comments recently, I did steal the title to my last entry from the content of one of her entries from ages ago.

As punishment, I have decided to raid her archives and will, hopefully for the rest of 2008, have my entry titles consist of randomly picked phrases from her entries.

And all the better if they sound incriminating and obscene, hehe.

Incidentally, when I link to people in my diary, has anyone actually bothered to hover their cursor over the link to see what comment I make about them?

Try hovering your mouse pointer over Dandy’s link…



I think I might have to hi-jack Dandy’s diary again and write her an entry sometime soon.

It’s so hard writing an entry for Dandy’s diary though. You all know I’m a disgraceful, potty-mouthed, rockin babe-shagger, but it feels somehow wrong to be rude in Dandy’s diary. Sort of like pissing on a gravestone.

Poor Dandy. I’m sure at times she despairs over the day I clicked onto her diary and sent her some stupid dumbass message.


In other news… I have a job interview on Friday!

It’s still within the service, but a totally different department.

There are some advantages if I get this job:

1) I won’t have to work with the cunts I work with now,
2) Even if the new people I work with are cunts, they are a whole new bunch of people to wind up and annoy the shite out of.
3) It’s slightly more money and bigger pay increases in future years.
4) The work is far more interesting.
5) The training lasts for months meaning I won’t have to do any real, actual WORK until May (when I turn 30, get saving for my present!)
6) It’s near a great biker pub that does cheap food and cheap drinks and plays great music.

Hmm. I can see 6 possibly becoming problematic if I happen to suffer from job dissatisfaction…

The only thing is I hate job interviews.

I don’t mean I get nervous, far from it. But the stupid bloody questions, for fucks sake.

Dumb questions I have been asked:

What is your favourite colour?

Smash: Black, because it goes with anything. (The interviewer didn’t seem to like that.)

What would you like to achieve in the next 5 years time?

Smash: A huge lottery win, so I could buy myself a garage full of super cars, have an endless supply of beer and babes at my disposal, and just generally have fun until I died at a stupidly young age due to excess. (The interviewer didn’t seem to like that either, especially not when I added that if I could have it now and instead of five years time, then so much the better.)

Would you get your hair cut if I said you could have this job?

Smash: No. (I got the job anyway, and ended up staying there nearly three years.)

Describe something about yourself that is unique

Smash: My fingerprints. Next?

Would you say you are phlegmatic?

Smash: No, but on cold mornings or in the height of summer, I get horrendous catarrh.

Perhaps I should try to be a little less cheeky this time round?

Nah, how would I get a good diary entry out of that one?

Although perhaps I am being optimistic in saying this is a “good” diary entry.

With hindsight, maybe I should have just opted for the wank.

i felt compelled (the power of smash compels me) to reply (and embellish even more here… shhhhh):

using big words with concurrent consecutive consonants confuses me...

catarrh, hummph

and what's all this about hovering over dandy?...

meanwhile, dandy and cunt so do not go together (unless we put a sweet in there somewhere… oh shut up, you did not write that... smash is the potty mouth… wait, maybe nobody got it… oh shit, shutup), which is one of the many things that makes your entries so much fun (or is that morbid humor?... gutter slush?... literary wanking?... infinite entendre?... perhaps we can just agree on dangerous?) to read... especially at work... out loud… over the public address system… maybe if i had a British accent… or French… maybe a little mad Hungarian… in any case, one must always be looking over one's shoulder to see if anyone is glancing over at what one is laughing at as one wonders if one should actually be laughing... not me, of course, but certainly one...

what time is it?...

am i reading you daily again? (are you?... anyone?)…

can there be random political humor in here? (warning, link opens with video playing)...

is random amusing?...

will random survive?...

these and other earth rattling questions may or may not be answered in the next installment of: the soap that ended suddenly without really ending at all, so no wonder nobody felt clean…

people care, you know?

meanwhile, from the files of other random asides and wanky guilt trips (does this mean random survived?... or perhaps random, random's italic twin brother?), i am considering starting another new daily-ish webpage (diary, blog, journal, bootube, blip, whatever) since my history has demonstracted (occasionally demonstrated too) quite effectively that moving on to new daily babblespots consistently loses the attention of any audience (friends?) i might attract during my year or two at any given address (being flighty is just so unwelcome in the blogging world, ya know?)... also, perhaps i might perfect the abstract art of actually maintaining an attention span for more than ten seconds and therein provide readers with something worth returning for more to read for with...

somehow, i think the prepositions tripped me up there, but certainty is an elusive mongrel...

yes, so, in any case, anyway, whatever, meanwhile, hello :)

and oh yes, thank you :)


no offense to dandy or anyone was intended in the making of this poo for we love her, yes we love her, and we definitely do not say so enough, so we take this opportunity to say so more than enough for polite society (cuz, yo, we be lovin dat gurl!... 'specially when she laughs… in fact, that's what we should do, create a new blog called "Dandy laughs"… Garbo would so not roll over, stop saying that… it could also be a humor site called dandy laughs as in, laughs that are dandy), but then, we be diggin dat hoochie momma ho time, beget it!... and besides, we're buried here in smash's diary comments and there's little polite or society about it, now is there?... or here, even…

but we be cultured, dammit!

you've been missed, really you have, just like these scenes from old movies i've failed to mention in passing, but allude to now as if somehow they've been referenced so subtly that no one ever noticed...

playing those mind games, forever...

and you know that, for sure...

gotta let it go now...

see ya.

candoor | 15.01.08 - 10:41 am |


wait, i left out the r in hurmmph, can i get a do-over?

(protruding tongue productions)

candoor | 15.01.08 - 10:42 am |

well that's just dandy!

1 comment:

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